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Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
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| Time: | 10:35 pm. |
| Mood: |  depressed. | | Music: | 'people=$hit' by Slipknot. |
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Ugh great now I'm gonna be alone again!! GODDAMN-IT!!! Maybe I should just crawl into a cave and disappear from this stupid dumb-ass world and just ignore everyone for the rest of my days. I sit here and look at Squee and think that it's gonna be tough taking him everywhere with me. Maybe I should just send him back to her so I won't have the reminder of what I lost. I know she wants space and the opportunity to spread her wings and have fun in college but I guess I'm just not what she wants. Which I understand though I feel like shit about but I will accept and try and forget my days with her, though it's tough to I think about her daily but I'm too close to her and she wants space.....UGH I can't think straight. Fuck this shitty world and it's bullshit.
Semper Fidelis
Lou
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| Time: | 4:02 am. |
| Mood: |  irate. | | Music: | Rage Against The Machine "Calm like a bomb". |
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Ok so I know you're supposed to be all excited about growing another year older, but I'm not. I mean I did have fun with some of the guys but my birthday wasn't complete without her to celebrate it with. Then today was a shitstorm! I called her while she was writing and told her I'd call her back. Well unfortunately right after I hung up with her my work called and said everyone had to go back to the shop. I get back there and there's like 40 cop cars there and I start freaking out. Well turns out after I left work the night manager was the only one there and some guys came in and robbed the place....freaking wonderful, well the downpart was since I was the last person besides the manager I had to fill out like 500 pages of documentation. It was idiotic, of course I finally get done nearly 4 hours later and there's a message from her at like 240 am telling me to call when I get in...yeah right not gonna wake her up by calling her nearly an hour afterwards. God I hate this town, besides the fact I'm so damn far away from her, there's nothing to do around here. But oh well what can I do until I can cuddle with her against. Well off to bed to dream of her and her smile.
Semper Fidelis
Lou
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| Time: | 3:13 pm. |
| Mood: |  calm. | | Music: | One by metallica. |
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Ok ok it's been too long since I've updated but I'm glad I held off from writing because now I got a boatload to write and actually know what I'm gonna say! (miracles do happen!)
Well back from my 'vacation', I'm glad I went I met Kim, held her in my arms and now whenever I close my eyes and focus I can smell her, though I open my eyes and not see her nestled close is kinda of depressing. Yeah I admit to myself I was a little to clingy but it just felt so right holding her in my arms and pulling her tight. I still laugh about her prom and meeting Graham "Your cat has SAR's". Ugh I couldn't stop laughing, but I'm glad I was laughing then I could forget the idiot James and not wanting to rip his heart out through his throat and shove it up his ass. The last day was really hard because we said good-bye before school and I didn't want her to go. I wanted to spend the rest of my days with her and keep her safe in my arms. Though I know she never believed when I told her I'll protect her I know I can and will because her smile made everything and everyone else in this world seem worthless. All I need from her is her smile, her kisses and her and I sharing a bed and nothig else will matter to me. Not work, not money, not where I sleep, just as long as she and I are together. I asked her one time if she was my baby and she said yes, not sure if she was placating me or she meant it,either way I was happy. Just seeing the surprised look on her face at school was amazing to me, she was so happy to see me one last time before I left it made me feel like she had won the lotto and I was her prize. I lay in bed earlier today with Squee on my chest and I wondered how I ever thought that I was meant to be alone with her in my world. Kim is my angel and I will protect her for the rest of my days from the lunacy of this corrupt world.
Semper Fidelis
Lou
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| Time: | 8:43 pm. |
| Mood: | ecstatic. |
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Ok besides a crappy morning my day has been great!!! I'm loving life, going to Texas to see Kim!!!
Ok so I'm not the most eloquent person when it comes to writing so kiss my arse. I'm just so pumped I'm going to see my babygirl!!!
*does the happy dance*
ok now that I've embarassed myself...ok so I just wanted to pass on the GREAT news I'm going to Texas.
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| Time: | 10:00 pm. |
| Mood: | pissed off. | | Music: | personal mixed CD. |
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Ok so it's been awhile since I last wrote so freaking sue me. Went to a site I drop in on from time to time, consumptionjunction.com and they had the pics of the executed US soldiers. Talk about perfect timing I saw those pics and got pissed and on comes my song to listen to whenever we used to go pull field excercises down in GTMO, KoRn's "Dead Bodies Everywhere". I mean we got these moronic anti-war protestors injuring cops?!!! WTF!!!! Aren't they supposed to be against violence?! Ugh some people make me wonder why I fight for the US military to begin with. I mean granted it is their 1st amendment to protest, but protest peaceably!
Another day has gone by here in Buffalo,NY miracles do happen I guess because this craptown actually had 74 degrees today! I mean someone pinch me I'm dreaming. Damn my back kills, the joys of the military you destroy your body for the other billion or so living in the US of A and not even a damn thank you. Well I did get a thank you, was driving past UB today and pulled up behind this girl with this sign on the back iwndow saying 'I support our troops and will welcome them home'. I mean to military that means alot because the society of today doesn't seem to want the military around....well at least pre-9/11 didn't and if they did we were a necessary evil they would much rather not have around. Well seems all I have to say tonight See ya next time.
Lou
Umi no ookami. (Wolf Of the Sea, Thanks Kim)
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Tuesday, March 18th, 2003
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| Time: | 9:19 pm. |
| Mood: |  exhausted. | | Music: | 'In The Red' by Chevelle. |
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Just another day in Buffalo, wait it isn't we actually have 60 degree weather!!! No snow, holy crap! But anyways last night was a good night got to talk to Kim and let her know how I feel and hopefully she feels the same because she makes my life complete. ugh I sound so freaking corny, but it's true she knows exactly how to push my buttons to make me mad, smile, and excited. I mean we were laughing the other night about how we would be dating and be talking to these other couples who would say their first date movie was some romantic-comedy and for Kim and I it'll be Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. LoL can just see the looks we'd get for that one! Damn hiccups are driving me psychotic, watching one of my favorite movies t watch every once in awhile which is Dungeons & Dragons, decently done movie, could have been done better but I do enjoy watching it....call it my guilty pleasure but I do enjoy watching this film. Well that's all I got for today, the voices in my head have quieted enough for me to relax.
Semper Fidelis
Lou
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| Time: | 12:39 am. |
| Mood: |  sleepy. | | Music: | "I will be heard" by hatebreed. |
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ugh today has been insane, wait the last week has been insane. Since I last posted had a new tat added, got a tribal on my left arm. Finally got it done across my birthmark. there's days where I hate my life, alot of those days include when I wake up wishing I had Kim in my arms but I'll prolly never have her so better just deal. But anyways....my new job is going well, I'm a delivery guy for a sub shop and I'm making decent money for the hours I'm doing. But anyways, been taking up my bass playing again and hoping I can get back in a band. Sheesh there's somedays I don't understand Kim, I just wanna smack her and tell her to talk to me because this entire flirting around an issue is driving me psychotic. Oh well, well off ta bed fer me
Lou
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Aladdin ~ Adventure and excitement fill your
life...but all you really want is an
opportunuty to show the world what you're
worth! All you need now is a beautiful
counterpart to share it with!
Which Disney Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| Time: | 8:04 pm. |
| Mood: | calm. | | Music: | the Exies 'My Goddess'. |
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Ok, why is it I start to get my life back in gear and then fate decides to drop a bomb on me? Besides my entire decision to go back active, I talked to Kim for the first time in a long ass while and all those old feelings for her came rushing back to the surface. I mean yeah I'm jealous of her b/f, but with Kim I can be the true self that I kept hidden from view for so many years. I can't help wanting to be with her. She and I have such a weird way of talking but she keeps me on my toes and I love that...it makes the days better she knows how to get me so angry I actually get into a philosophical conversation....hell last night we talked about Sun Tzu's Art of War and how it can be used in wartime but also in business. It's amazing, no wait check that Kim's amazing she makes me smile just by all the little things she does when we talk.
But enough about that I guess the best thing about my relationship with Kim is the fact we can talk for hours on end about nothing at all and it's perfect because I love talking to her.
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Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
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| Time: | 8:12 pm. |
| Mood: | cheerful. | | Music: | Daredevil soundtrack Evanesence 'Bring it to me'. |
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Well first day on this, pretty excited. Been too long since I put down all my feelings on paper. Should put down the poem I wrote for a girl I care for and always will love.
'your eyes light my soul, they see through the darkness that enshrouds me and pull it away so that you may see my heart. The heart which only beats for you. Your hands they draw the pain from my bones and drive it from my flesh. The feel of your bare flesh pressed to mine in the dark of night drives the worry from my mind and makes this uncertain world disappear. For all these things and more I love you, my mate, my soul, my angel, my peace and for the rest of my living days will I love you and thank you for being there for me through all these darkened days and being my ray of hope and my ray of light to guide me to heaven which lays in your arms'
My lioness drives me nuts some days but she gets me crazy enough to drive me into a philosophical argument with her at the end of the day. Hard to imagine life without her some days, she makes someday so much better by just talking to me and others she makes me wanna tear all my hair out. But isn't that normal with relationships?
Why is it every time a guy gets close to a girl they give the most horrid line ever 'I like you but not that way?' Heard that line too many times in the last 7 yrs of single-dom.
Really starting love this song, even though it's a bit to slow for my normal music taste I like the beat, could pick up my old bass guitar and jam to it. Besides it's how I feel about my Lioness, she saved me from my own personal darkness and the nothing I was destined to become.
Well think that's enough for my first day =o)
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